"Go Back" Season has begun

Just when you had sat down after a tiring new year party, came the Sri Lankan Premier's state visit. The hippies got into full force, started yelling against "Sinhalese racists", "autocrats" blah blah blah. The hippies won. Rajapakse couldnt visit Chennai, the place with most national interest in terms of trade to SL.

And as we 'aam aadmi' slowly moved on with our lives, came Valentine's day. The Hippies were on a roll again, going park to park, shop to shop, rampaging anything that resembled a heart or the colour red. Shiv Sena, Bajrang Dal, Arundhati Roy, CPI(M). No one was spared. Every tom and harry, not to forget jane and dick, the aforementioned joined in the bashing of Valentine's Day. Dont include me in that list, I only raised my voice against its commercialization.

Then when the dust settled, Union Budget 2006 came. All hell broke loose. There were no surprises. That was the biggest surprise. It was a ho-hum sort of a day. The 'aam aadmi' learnt that soft drinks, ice creams and cars became cheaper but service tax on everything went up 2%. Sly bugger that PC is. The Commies and BJP got into the act. All their "whips" made regular appearances in TV channels criticising it. I was impressed by the Congress Defense man in one channel. His name is JYOTHIRADITYA SCINDIA. Watch out. He's really smart.

Coming back to the hippies. Everything they were shouting had a "Go Back" attached to it. Take for example :

1) Green Peace hippies : "Clemenceau go back!"
2) Commie hippies : "FDI go back!"
4) Shiv Sena hippies : "Valentine go back!"
3) Arundhati Roy : "India go back!"

Now, the last 3 of the above people have sung in chorus ..."BUSH GO BACK".

What I find amusing is the nerve Arundhati Roy has, to actually bank on her 1-book-wonder fame, and turn into a slogan shouting anti-establishment. I really think she needs to prove her credibility with a better stint using the pen. Till then, I will sit back, sipping my coffee and watch the country throw s**t on itself.

"Bush go back. Rang De Basanti go back. Sonia Gandhi go back. Bird Flu go back. Amar Singh go behind bars. Commies, go back to Mars n never return. Arundhati Roy, go back to writing sh***y novels."

I love myself :D

My Hilarious TV Moment

As y'all know by now, I performed with my motlew crew of hip hop heads, to a packed audience at the Power Chord event at IIT. We brought the house down. As we were walking off stage, lots of people shook hands n all. Many friends who came to see me perform were thrilled.

Suddenly some guy approached us n said "Hey amazing show man? I'm from S S Music. Can you guys re-enact the performance coz we just came wen you were finishing your last song." WOW!! An encore. That too for the ONLY music channel having south Indian content. We just went along to check out what they wanted us to do.

What was supposed to be a one minute shoot turned into an Interview. It was garden kinda baclkground. Joel, Joseph on VJ Shyam's left and CA, Me on VJ Paloma's right. So we started off as a tete-a-tete kinda chat. Shyam was askin Jospeh basic stuff like "Wen did u guys form the band? How do u practice?" and genral stuff. Then Paloma asked about the usual profanity in rap n how we deal with it. I answered some of her queries.

Then Shyam dropped the bombshell. He jumped n came rite next to me.
"Let me get close to this guy here. Now I must tell you, when he was on stage, he had the whole crowd swaying and ladies swooning, fainting and jumping in a mob frenzy". My initial reaction was a small smile followed by a laugh. Just brushing it off. So he asked me to perform some lines which I wrote. Did that. And then the whole Interview was over.

Next stop, IIT hostel. We shot a video for the whole song which we had composed. I was just waitin to see the promos on TV, to find out when its airing. And guess what, "my laughing to the ladies-swooning comment" is featured. I found the whole thing funny. Coz when we were stunting wen I was doing Gngsta rap 2 yrs ago, we didnt get anywhere. Now this. And the judges gave a special prize. The only band to get one. Overall, IIT 2006 Rocked.

Catch us on SS Music College Da episode on 26th Feb, Sunday at 10AM. I know, I know. I'm not trying to be a celeb. And self - publicity is the last thing I'll resort to. But wat d heck, I'm on TV. Yahoo!!!!

Street Cricket

Talking of cricket, I found an interesting entry for "Street Cricket" in wiki. This is for people who have played street cricket in the lanes and by-lanes of our very own Madras, Chennai city.

Ensoi......

"Street Cricket is also known for its usage of amusing terms, a few of which are given below. Most of the terms here, which are attributed to a Tamil etymology, are in fact closer to Madras Bashai.

Adreetail

Etymology English - The most funny reference to a batsman being 'Retired Hurt'. [Derived from: hurt retired]

All - reals..first ball

Etymology English - This indicates the start of the match. Usually the batsman prefer to play "dokku".

Avishot

Etymology English(Howzzat!!) - Appeal to Umpire for out (run out, catch, etc)

Baby Over

Etymology English - When a bowler has no hopes of completing his over with lots of wides and no balls he is substituted by a better bowler and the over is called a Baby over (usually lasting 3 balls), Baby because the first bowler was very amateur

Ball Right

Etymology English - When a umpire/batsman declares a wide ball, bowler uses this term to say that the ball was not a wide. Typically happens because umpires are from the batting teams.

Ball Up

Etymology English - When the ball is beyond the reach of the fielders and external assistance from pedestrians or motorists is required then this call of duty is used to hail any help to retrieve the ball.

Bongu

Etymology Tamil - The slang word used if a team unfairly cheats the other team while playing.

By-Runner

The street cricket version of our conventional runner who runs if a batsman is hurt or cant run properly

Chain Over

Etymology English - When a bowler bowls two continuous overs. Typically happens when captains fail to calculate correctly the number of overs in the absence of electronic score cards

Common Fielding

Etymology English - Due to lack of number of fielders, it is possible that people from batting team who are not actually doing batting have to field or do wicket keeping or for that matter even umpiring

Current

Etymology English - The unique and distinctive way of getting a batsman run out. When a batsman attempts a dangerous run, He could be run out by any of the fielders who just need to hold the ball in hand and land their feet on the stone at the bowlers end.

Cut-n-Run

Etymology English - Here the batsman has to run if the ball hits the bat.

Declared

Etymology English - Same as 'Granted'.

Dokku

Etymology Unknown - A derogatory term for a defensive shot. Typically a batsman is discouraged from playing such shots because of the constraints of less number of overs and because everyone in the team needs to have a fair amount of gaaji

Double Gaaji

Etymology Unknown - An exceptional scenario wherein a batsman can bat twice if there are a shortage of players in the side.

Double - side batsman

Etymology English - When the total number of players is odd, one player is declared as Double-side batsman. Typically this person keeps the wicket and will not be allowed to bowl.

Double - side out

Etymology English - This means that only a single batsman is running and can be out when thrown at either end, immaterial of which end he runs to.

Erangaradhu

Etymology Tamil - Same as 'Erradhu',but to play defensive shots. Exactly opposite in the literal sense!

Erradhu

Etymology Tamil - Stepping out of the crease, to play offensive shots.

Full Cover

Etymology English - A situation where in a batsmen is taking a half stump guard thereby covering the complete stumps from the view of the bowler. Since street cricket typically do not have a LBW it is very difficult to get a batsman out, if he covers the stump fully

Full fast

Etymology English - Since street cricket pitches are a few yards long, a ball which is thrown with full pace and energy is considered a no ball as it will be impossible to handle such pace with short distance

Fashtapeel

Etymology English(Fast Appeal) - Same as 'full fast' when the batsman appeals for the ball to be disregarded since it was fast. Controversial term since it invariably comes into play when the batsman plays a 'Sothai' shot and ends up getting bowled or caught and resorts to Fashtapeeel.

Gaaji

Etymology Unknown - The Indian reference for an 'innings'. It is a well known fact that captains of street cricket teams always prefer to bat first irrespective of conditions.

Gaaji mannan

Etymology Unknown - Literally means king of 'innings'. Used to denote a batsman who wastes away deliveries, focussing on playing out deliveries, rather than playing for the team's cause.

GudOva

Etymology English - A Good over. Also said when a maiden over is bowled.

Granted

Etymology English - When a batsman hits a reasonable distance from which fetching the ball back is slightly difficult due to technical difficulties already mentioned (like vehicle crossing a road, presence of a thorny bush etc) , teams agree that a fixed number of runs are GRANTED. Usually, "1G", "2G" etc, indicating the number of runs granted.

Half - Crease

Etymology English - Half way down the distance between the two creases. If the 'Double - Side out' rule is not used in case of a 'last man gaaji', then half crease is used to determine which end is the danger end is closer to the batsman, if one needs to run him out. The batsman is out only of he is runout on the end he is closer to.

Hit the bats after each ball (no term used)

This is the usual practice followed by the batsmen in the middle. This gives little time to take breath and also signal for a quick singal (single) in the next ball. The best part is even if they dont want to discuss anything, they still need to hit the bats. If they miss or doesn't do it properly, they have to come back and make sure that they hit properly. Nice practice

Joker/Uppukuchappa(Etymology TAMIL- oppuku chappaani)

The odd man who doesnt get to be in either of the teams. He gets to bat twice, but has to field twice, & doesnt get to bowl. It could also be someone who wants to join the game when it has already started.

Kappai/Kaava

Poor fielding resulting in a ball slipping through or worse still a catch being dropped.

Kattai/Kattai Podradhu

Same as Dokku...Wasting overs by playing non-scoring shots.

Kichan

When there is a mismatch in the number of players, the team having lesser number of persons is provided a kichan, i.e., any person from the team can bat again.

Kuththaradhu

Etymology Tamil - When the bowler is hitting the deck hard.

La Ball

Etymology English - Last ball of an over.Also other derivatives available viz. La One , La Two to refer to the last but 1 ball, last but 2 balls.

Last Man Gaaji

Etymology partly english - A scenario where the last man who is not out with all wickets down gets to play "Gaaji" with no runner. It must be noted that, the fielding team can effect run outs on both the stumps when there is Last Man Gaaji

Mattai

Etymology Tamil - The piece of wood to be used as the cricket bat. Need not confirm to geometrical trivialities. It also means when a batsman play very defensively for a long time and not scoring runs.

Maanga

Etymology Tamil - When a bowler bowls a very fast ball(usually a full toss) it is called maanga. This usually leaves the batsman badly hurt(Unda vaangarathu) because he uses FULL COVER tactics. Originated from the act of throwing stones on to mango trees to fetch mangoes.

One Shot

One-short actually (when the batsmen doesn't crease properly for a run)

One Side Runs

Etymology English - When teams decide before hand that there are runs only on one side of the wicket due to lack of sufficient number of fielders

One-Pitch Catch

Etymology English - A rule where a batsman gets out when a fielder catches it even after the ball pitches once. Typically street cricket batsmen do not go for lofted shots fearing to get out

One-Pitch One-Hand

Etymology English - A slight modification of the above rule where a fielder can use both hands to catch a ball 'full-toss' but has to use only one hand to catch the one that is 'One - Pitch'. Typically used to increase the chances of batsman's survival

One Dick or One D

Etymology English - Commonly used term for 'One run declared'. When the ball hits any obstruction in the field, one run is granted to the batting team. There is no need for the batsmen to cross the crease. If the obstruction is at a long distance, it could be Two Dick (two runs declared) or Three Dick (three runs declared)

One G

Etymology English - Same as One Dick, the term for 'One run granted'

Osi Gaaji

Etymology Unknown - A scenario where some stranger wants to bat for a couple of balls just for fun and then carry on with his work. Osi is actually O.C an acronym for "on company" which refers to freeloading on your company's resources thanks to loops and holes in the administration.

Over Gaaji

Etymology Unknown - The act of a selfish batsman who purposely retains strike by taking a single of the last ball of the over to enjoy more "Gaaji"ing

Over-base

Etymology English - Number of overs per side.

Return Declare

Etymology Unknown - Same as 'Adetail'. But sometimes used, when a batsman crosses a stipulated number of runs say 20 or bats for stipulated number of balls so that others can get a share of "gaaji"ing

Sothai

Etymology Tamil - Usually an adjective used to describe a bad or useless object. This could be "sothai batsman", "sothai ball" (which indicates that the ball is dead which could be either due to wear and tear or because of an improper bounce).

Stumpit

Stumped!

Sundu

Etymology Tamil - A great forefather of the now popular "super - sub" rule, this rule can be used if a Sothai (poor or bad) batsman's innings has to be played by a good batsman

Suthuradhu

Etymology Tamil - Same as slogging in cricket towards the deck.

Thadavuradhu

Etymology Tamil - (In the context of cricket) When a batsman is not able to make any contact with the ball using his bat. (Similar to played and missed)

Thuchees

Etymology Unknown - When batsman/any fielder gets distracted from the game due to highly technical reasons like a vehicle crossing the road when a ball is bowled (with the pitch perpendicular to the road)

Thundu-Gaji

Etymology Tamil. (Same as OC-Gaji).

Trials

Etymology English - This is the first ball bowled in the match and it is called trials. It is used to gauge the pace and bounce of the pitch and the ball by both batsman and the bowler. Note: The batsman is not supposed to hit this ball, else the fielding side will demand him to go and fetch the ball. It's a kind of tactic by the fielding team to not allow the batsman to free his arms.

Undai

An instance of batsman being hit by a Maanga. Usually a Sothai batsman employs this technique to prevent being bowled over although it might leave him hurt.

Uruturadhu

Etymology Tamil - When the bowler is unable to extract any meaningful bounce from the pitch. Sometimes used as a defensive tactic towards the deck.

Waiteees

Etymology Unknown - Same as 'Thuchees'

Waits for the crease

Etymology Unknown - Same as 'Waits', but applicable only to batsman.

Wall catch/Wall-pitch/Wall-pitch-out

When the rules dictate that a ball caught after directly hitting the wall may be considered as "one-pitch catch".

Upeeeet (Up-it)

Etymology Unknown - When the batsman, usually the Sothai hits the ball in the air, it is a common practice for all the fielders to scream Upeeet encouraging the fielder in the closest proximity to the ball to catch it

Gaada (Up-it)

Etymology Unknown - Batsman who wants hit all of the balls, out of the playing area."

Rockstar from Ranchi

This post is dedicated to my latest "favorite cricketer". Mahendra Singh Dhoni. Man, what power!! He's just too _____ good.

I found an *unofficial* fan site of his. All this for a guy who's just 3 months into international (test) cricket.

Check it out @ http://dhoni.naif.frih.net/index.php

St.Valentine Day' Massacre

"The greatest trick the devil pulled was to make the world belive that HE didnt exist"

I vaguely remember one of the Kevin Spacey dialogues from "The Usual Suspects". It was yet another uneventful eve of Feb 14th. Counting crows. Sitting on the pavement of the beach. Watching couples pass-by in their flashy bikes and face-hiding helmets.

And I sat there with my friends, analyzing just WHY we were all single. And then it struck me. I never TRIED to erase that Single status. Its always been having fun with a gang of friends, passing ridiculous comments to mismatched couples and screaming "Jai Bajrang Bali" when it came to tricky love-dovey situations. Love was in the air. Love was everywhere. But the greatest trick I pulled was to convince the world Love didnt exist in the teeny-weeny heart of mine. I've had some, hmmmmmm, wat do u call eh,....., situations - that - look - like - love - ending - in - messed up - friendship. Strange. But true.

Coming back to the massacre, I made up my mind to play with someone's mind for a while passing it off as a valentine's day prank. Made a list of gals who I've had something lesser than the stage of a "crush". Not that I'm that much of a ladies man, but wat the heck, I'm RESPECTED belive it or not. And I quote a female friend of mine "You're not like other guys u know. Soo refreshing to have a conversation with". Ahem.... So the list contained the names of 2-3 young ladies who, as I mentioned, I kinda kinda had a teeeny weeeny liking in that teeeny weeny heart of mine.

Feb 14th. It was time to wear the "Hitch" hat. Drop the bomb. Show the world I'm not a coward to not express myself to a gal I mite have a crush on. Show I'm a MAN. All nerves hyped up, tension building... I took aim at the target. A cute lil girl who happened to call me once in a while, taking professional advice n all. Funny, coz I had mentioned her name to a friend of hers the previous day, asking if she was single n why no one proposed to her as yet. Doing the background data collection.

Before I could get her number from anyone, BANG! She messaged. "Howz life?" N all other itsy-bitsy details. Ya, ya..I yapped for another 4-5 msgs. Was it a stange co-incidence? Or was it chemistry? Yet to be reasoned out. So I decided to try my luck. Into the 10th message, I popped the phrase "I like you a lot". No reply for abt 10 mins. But the final reply was rather bizzare.

"I have a gal already!". Ok. First signs of her saying "Buzz off". After another mush message, came the reply "Hey! What are u upto?". It was time to call it quits. No use tryin to force the issue. But I've damaged my image wid her..Oh god!! The RESPECT will vanish if I dont explain why I msgd all that shit. And then it happened

"See, I had a dare with my friend AJ. He told me I couldn't propose to the first (single) girl who messaged me on valentine's day. And it happend to be u. So, I was just playing along to prove the point. Sorry for disturbing ya."

"No. I knew it was something like this. I could foretell. lol. Catch u l8r"

And there I was on the evening of 14th February,2006. Single as ever. Sitting with my gang of single friends. Trying to analyze
1) Why girls seem to know they can "foretell" stuff?
2) Why did the stange co-incidence thing abt me askin abt her, n she gettin in touch wid me have to happen on V day?
3) Why were we still single?

St.Valentine' Day Massacre has just begun! Oh n for the girls reading this n going ga-ga, drooling
n stuff "FAT CHANCE! I'm not falling for it"

JAI BAJRANG BALI for some more years....

The Great Indian Airport Challenge

Ha! The greatest trick the devil (read Govt) ever pulled was to make people (read Idiots) belive that it (read PSUs) did'nt exist. Now if you're wondering "Aint that the dialogue about Keyser Soze from The Usual Suspects?", you're bang on.

Reality Check :

1) India's Aviation Sector is booming.

2) Everything in India is booming except the Social Spending (something that actually reaches the poor people for whom the Govt needs to spend, people like us study by paying fees n earn after that . Lucky us)

3) PSUs are the only places where you can hear normal people say "Inquilab Zindabad". Other people being the actual Commie Party hippies and the Cast of Rang De Basanti.

4) Airports Authority of India has no authority in the running of Airports. They're a product of the "Yes Sir" generation of institutions from the Nehru-Era-Socialism.

5) Almost all Airports in India don't measure up to International Standards. Not our fault.We must follow the Indian Standards, i.e, have stinking toilets, walls with spit-marks, anywhere-spread-your-bed-n-sleep facility, chai n kaapi waalas, regional TV on the display screen plus a whole lot of other stuff. This is one effect of Globalisation. Makes us loose our uniqueness. I can't stop the USisation of the world. Nor can you.

6) Privatisation is an excuse for the Govt to wash its hands off a certain obligation. The Netas are too lazy to think of a solution. So let the private sector clean up the mess by paying for something n making it up in "tolls" or "tarriffs".

7) Politicians are waaaayyy smarter than you or me. They know how to extract every penny out of us by taxes, so they can please the aaam-junta by keeping oil prices low, consequentially hold on to the vote bank. We will never say no to taxes, but we'll "loose control" if petrol prices go up.

8) More jobs are going to be created by the privatisation of airports. But who will be the final winnner? We think its the people, but naahh. Its the goverment. They get to keep 45% of the revenue generated by these airports. So they unload a mess, ask someone else to clean it up, and the profits those other guys get after cleaning it up will be shared with the Govt. Damn smart.

So Mumbai and Delhi been ticked off. No, these airports didn't witness any interruption in flight services. But the people on TV did say that the "toilets stink badly". And Kolkata was raging with Commie Protests. Its not even on the list to be privatised in the near future. Strange. But funny.

Which brings me back to "interesting" part about this whole fiasco. Politics and red-tapism dont go hand-in-hand. They go hand-in-pocket. And thus, the boom in the aviation sector was aided by some clever businessmen-posing-as-ministers.

Long live Politics. Long live aam-junta. Long live the Communists, for without them there would be no "fun"in politics. Long live TV channels who give us entertaining one liners like "toilets stink badly". Long live the spirit of reforms in India. Did I say spirit? I meant sprint. We gonna reach 'International standards' by 20xx. Way to go. Woo hoo..

P.S I did watch Rang De Basanti. And No, I'm not reviewing it. Some 3,450 bloggers aldready did. Again, No, it didnt awaken me. Funny story though. Shows how confused today's generation is.